INTRODUCTION
I’ve only ever felt inclined to attend mass at the Catholic church in my adult life three times thus far. The first being when my grandmother ended her battle with dementia in 2018. The second being after I attempted suicide the second time in April of 2020. The last being today (November 1, 2020), two days after finding out that my beautiful aunt, who I’ve admired since the day we met, tested positive for COVID.
I came to the service late, barely making the opening prayer when I walked in the warm morning sun into the collection of metal foldout chairs held in the parking lot. It was different from the grand interior of the church but the adjustments made to fit social distancing guidelines were as impressive as the turnout of people there attending mass. It was the first time I attended alone. I was nervous and overdressed, wearing a cross necklace because I felt like it would help me become vulnerable in my prayers. I don’t even remember the last time I properly prayed. Maybe it was in middle school?
I found a seat in the back, sitting behind an older Filipino couple that reminded me of my parents (who had attended earlier that morning as they did every sunday). My parents continued their faith even after my older brother and I decided that we would stop attending mass in our preteen years. The revelation was hurtful to my parents but they knew that they could never force us into a faith that we didn’t accept, so they went to mass every sunday and prayed for us to remember the word of God. Since my decision to exit the church, I hadn’t thought twice about coming back, especially alone, until now. My helplessness is profound.
When I told my parents I was attending mass, they were surprised that I had even considered it, being that my view of religion has been varied. But, my aunt prayed so I needed to take the time to pray for her health and safety. It felt like the only thing I could really offer to her in this fishbowl reality that we currently live in. Hearing her sad voice over the speaker of my mother’s phone made my heart sink. All I wanted to do was pray for her. I needed to help her in any way that I possibly could, even if it meant going against the firmness of my distance from the Catholic church. We were all praying for her.
“I need to do this for her.” I thought to myself.
The mass ran a bit long this morning. The priest went on a long homily, emphasizing the messages of patience, understanding, and acceptance of one another. How we must be present for each other because we are all suffering. That even though we might feel overwhelmed with the way things are going in our lives right now, we are doing our best and that’s okay. These messages touched my heart for various reasons, taking into account the severity of my depression in recent months and the news of my aunt, I felt like the priest was telling me that everything was going to be okay. I felt like they could understand the tremendous worry and grief I felt over the events that have dictated my life. I understood why this belief was so appealing to people. It gives you hope that maybe — just maybe — a higher power is in the sky listening to our pleas for relief from the intense hardships of life and helping us through our most callous struggles.
I begged the higher power to watch over my loved ones and make sure that they were okay. I didn’t really know who I was supposed to be speaking to but I tried my best to find a way to relay this message to them.
“Please, keep us safe, together, and healthy.” I chanted over and over again in my head, to a God that I questioned. Who was I praying to? Why does my mother pray so much? Why do I feel inclined to pray in order to feel connected to my family? Why do I only search for this connection to God at times when I feel the most helpless?
FIRST RESOURCE
The Catholic Education Resource Center (CERC) published an homily written by Deacon Doug Mcmanaman, entitled The Importance of Prayer (July 2010), responding to the reading of the 17th Sunday in Ordinary Time. I wanted to use this resource because it was written by someone of power within the church, specifically the Deacon, because understanding the intensity of the Catholic faith can be confusing when explained by someone who is not involved. It was important to find a piece of writing that reflected my own experience in the Catholic church so that I can effectively translate that here. I hope to be as respectful with this topic as possible.
Deacon Doug Mcmanaman explains the significance of prayer in terms of establishing the commitment of the follower to the divine. Deacon Mcmanaman states, “Jesus teaches the disciples the Our Father and he tells us that we must persist in prayer, to continue to pester God.” The pestering of God is supposed to let him know that we are still waiting for his return. To pray is to let God know that you are committed and faithful in his message, waiting for his blessings. There is a lot of emphasis on creating a habit of prayer, in order to serve our life purpose which is to pray to God and live meaningfully. Mcmanaman emphasizes that prayer is intended to lift us from anxiety, greed, and deception. Without the habit of prayer, we open ourselves to evil and move further away from the word of God.
The idea of prayer also includes this otherworldly connection to a God and is often characterized in Catholicism as this spirit emanating guidance and protection for those that obey its laws. It’s believed that when some people pray they can speak to God through their prayers. Deacon Mcmanaman says, “So much takes place during prayer. When we pray, we enter into the deepest region of the self where God alone dwells.” The church promotes this idea that God exists within the depths of our minds and souls, that God is always watching and with you no matter what. This idea of God was always translated to a physical being (who was always presented as male), with the gifts to cure sicknesses.
Growing up in the Catholic church exposed me to many homilies and readings about the importance of this connection to God. As a child in Sunday School I remember other children talking about being able to hear the voice of God and feel his spirit when they pray. I never understood the divine connection one can have with God and always felt weird thinking that there was another being inside my thoughts. Having God listen to what I was thinking made me uncomfortable. The connection never existed for me, as if my prayers were being bounced back into the depths of my thoughts.
SCHOLARLY ARTICLE 1
Nationalism and Cultural Revival in Southeast Asia: Perspectives from the Centre and the Region
Research offers a historical analysis of the revitalization of indigenous traditions and the prospect of decolonization of the country. Addresses the colonization and westernization of the Philippines throughout generations of colonial rule and the effects of generation trauma and cultural conflict. Offers a look into the way the Philippines has integrated traditional belief into the Christian/Catholic ideologies.
This resource highlights the idea of colonial mentality and the link between the intense practice of Catholicism/Christianity in Filipino society in the Philippines and in the diaspora. The source details the intense Europeanization of the country during Spanish colonial rule, describing a society that adapted a new identity in order to survive and the severity of this identity still dictating the ways that Filipino people live today. While the Philippines is technically not being controlled by imperial powers, Filipino society has a deep rooted need to conform and adapt to western patterns and ideologies in order to survive, further explaining the cause of intense religious practice of the region.
As said by Reinhard Wendt in the reading, “The Catholic Church and the American school system, according to Constantino, were responsible for a deep-rooted Westernization. Not only did they conquer the country and its people but also their minds. This led to a lot of feelings of inferiority, mental dependency, and a lack of national pride.” (Wendt, The Revitalization of Indigenous Traditions and the Prospects of Cultural Decolonization in the Philippines, 119).The westernization of the Philippines, from the introduction of Catholicism to the Americanized education that teaches English in Filipino schools, has created a colonial mentality that exists beyond the islands of the Philippines and seeps into the minds of the diaspora oceans away. Religion, to the Philippines, maintained faith in a higher power that would one day save them from their hardships and offered hope to a society that felt like they had nothing left.
SCHOLARLY RESOURCE 2
Presents data from interviews of 2,285 Filipino Americans concerning the complexity of Catholicism as a means of healthcare. Participants were asked questions regarding religious affiliation and belief and the likeliness of visiting a mental health professional. Tackles the influence of religion on seeking help, clarifies that while factoring the need for medical attention for some cases, religion was the primary source of “healthcare” for many individuals — citing their belief of God as a way to combat health issues.
This resource highlights the psychology of religion within the Filipinx American community, emphasizing that participants were more inclined to seek mental health support from religious institutions rather than mental health professionals and institutions. The social expectation of religion and continuing push for the importance of God from Filipino communities pushes this narrative that if you pray hard enough, hardships will dissipate.
The mental health stigma among the Filipino community has remained prevalent since the beginning of time. Many people in the diaspora and homeland still view mental illness and seeking help for mental illnesses as a taboo. It’s something that is rarely ever talked about with older generations. Even when speaking to younger folks in the community I’ve found there’s still an uncomfortable undertone when you mention how depressed you are.
From an anthropological and linguistic perspective, there is no (original) word for “depression” in any of the hundreds of dialects of the Filipino language but words related to Catholicism, taught to us during Spanish colonization beginning in the 1500’s and ending in the early 1900’s, are prevalent and normal in our vocabulary. The words used for mental illness in the Filipino dialects today are all English words, said in Filipino accents, with depression translating to depresyon and schizophrenia translating to skisopreyna. This displays the intensity of this colonial mentality regarding religion and mental health in our culture. The ingrained colonization of our minds prompts us to continue this mentality of religion over mental health, without even realizing that it was a mentality that was imposed onto our people. A mentality that wasn’t there pre-colonization.
SCHOLARLY RESOURCE 3
Mental Health Care of Filipino Americans
Elaborates on mental health issues of Filipino Americans from a psychiatric perspective. Details the history of colonization, westernization, and immigration in the Filipino culture. Highlights hardships regarding Filipino societal shame and Filipino stigma against those with mental health issues. Includes effects of religious, medical, and cultural practices on Filipino Americans with mental illness.
Described in the resource, “The prevalence of depression among Asian patients in primary care settings is estimated to be around 14%, with higher rates among Filipinos, compared with Japanese and Chinese. This may still be underestimated because of the cultural tendency to deny, somatize, and endure emotional problems.” (Sanchez et al, Mental Health Care of Filipino Americans). Data presented showcases the high rates of depression among Filipino American patients, highlighting that numbers are likely skewed and more Filipino Americans could have depression but are concealing their illness or seeking treatment from spiritual institutions and family members. By mentioning the fact that many Filipino Americans willingly disregard mental illness we can infer that this problem is profound.
With this view between the connection of mental health and religious practice
A long history of colonial mentality with the added pressure to adapt to American life by Filipino immigrants puts them at risk of mental illness, although data showcases that Filipinos are less likely to seek mental health care. Instead many Filipinos find counselling in spiritual, personal, and social treatments largely related to family and religious values specifically the help of family and friends and the collective belief of god. Along with societal expectations of an individual family member to present in a way that upholds family integrity and respectability, mental health issues emerge from the need to disregard individual issues in order to maintain family image. There is no greater judgement than that found in the traditional Filipino family unit.
SCHOLARLY RESOURCE 4
Relations Between Religions and Cultures in Southeast Asia
While the introduction of Christianity and Catholicism in the Philippines was rooted in the intentions to ‘civilize’ what was believed to be an ‘uncivilized’ culture, this resource provides an alternate connection between Catholicism and Filipino tradition today. Addresses the integration of Filipino cultural practices into Catholic belief, creating a version of Catholicism/Christianity that is wholly Filipino. Over time, religious practices have adapted to Philippine society, resulting in an entire new genre of Christianity that includes the practices and rituals of indigenous Filipino communities.
As Rolando M. Gripaldo states, “The emergence of folk Christianity is therefore a happy compromise that ensures the continued survival of Catholicism in the country and the continued manifestation of the natural gregariousness or the native festive spirit of the Filipinos.” (Gripaldo, Roman Catholicism and Filipino Culture, 111). The creation of this version of folk Christianity, as stated by Gripaldo, highlights the way in which Philippine society has adapted to the popularization of Catholic faith in the country. Although the religion is a reminder of the horrors of colonial rule in the country, the willingness to adapt the ideology to fit the people is a display of true strength. By maintaining specific rituals and beliefs in this version of Catholicism, we remain partially connected to the traditions of a pre-colonial mentality and people.
As Catholicism itself can be representative of colonial mentality in the Philippines and the diaspora, the version of Catholicism practiced by Filipino masses in the homeland and diaspora offer a connection to one another through religious practice and tradition. This version of religion offers the Filipino people a chance to reclaim their faith, although not entirely original to them, by integrating ritals
CULTURAL ARTIFACT 1
Ultralight Beam (from The Life of Pablo) by Kanye West is a song that captures the intensity and complexity of spirituality and religion, with influence of events of the time (2016). Kanye West’s integration of religious belief into his music is something that has been intensified over recent years — through West’s establishment of Sunday Service and the release of album Jesus is King (2019) — further aligning West’s identity and creative work as an extension of his belief in God. This was the first time I had seen a pop culture icon connect their work with a specific religious belief, forward this narrative to an impressionable and young audience (who might not fully understand what the religion is), and capitalize on this display of religious solidarity. Regardless of whether or not Kanye West is the most qualified to preach the word of God to millions, the work promotes the idea of God to the masses and even pushes the idea that the celebrity is the new God among newer generations — naming himself the leader of his “church”.
This was the first song from Kanye about his trials with God that resonated with me. The song highlights vices that one can feel when wanting to practice their religion, feeling steered away and hoping that one day their prayers will come into fruition. West mentions the struggles of trying to stay committed to a faith, looking for a safety net from the struggles that engulf the world by saying,
I’m tryna keep my faith
But I’m looking for more
Somewhere I can feel safe
And end my Holy War
I’m tryna keep my faith
The song is arranged like a plea for help, asking for peace and freedom, feeling humid and sticky and perfectly showcasing a certain helplessness. It feels like someone asking for a sign to continue the sacred practice of religion, like a final call for help, and reminds us who don’t practice that religion often offers trials that demand to be recognized and dealt with in order to be at peace. West highlights these struggles perfectly and showcases this specific point in his religious journey.
It reminds me of the few times I attended mass during my trips to the Philippines as a child. Large churches with no central air conditioners, packed with people on it’s wooden pews, on a sunday morning in eighty degree island weather. The production and vocals on the song relay feelings of being lost and not knowing where to go but finding that one thing that you can have faith in. It’s a profound feeling, feeling like you have an otherworldly connection that you look to as a means to essentially save your life.
FIELD RESEARCH
Interview with Family members about relationship with Catholicism. Family influence/connection through religion and prayer.
I interviewed my mother because she is the most prominent religious influence I have in my life. She is the most religious in our immediate and extended family. She has always trained us to practice Catholicism, even enrolling my brother and I in Saturday morning church school where we both earned our right to Communion (participating in the breaking of bread at the church). When my brother and I decided to stop attending church she was heartbroken. She didn’t talk to us for days.
Q: Why do you pray?
A: “I pray because that’s the way I communicate with Jesus. It makes my mind at peace. It’s also to give thanks and praise him.”
Q: What does prayer mean to you?
A: “Prayer means a lot to me. For me it’s so powerful that everything I ask and pray for, God will give it to me. Faith gives me strength to go on through tough and good times.”
Q: How is your faith connected to your family?
A: “Faith is connected to my family because I have faith in my family, that whatever happens we’ll be together forever.”
My mother has always taught us that our faith should be in God and that if we devote ourselves to God good things will happen to us. The idea of faith to her is rooted in her belief that her prayers are the reasons we are alive today. She has never stopped praying and gives credit for every fortunate thing that has happened to her Lord. My mother will continue to pray because it makes her feel like she can control the fate of the situations that come our way, and maybe it does. I don’t think there will ever be an answer for how or why her prayers were answered, but the experiences have been profound enough for her to dedicate her life to this practice.
FAMILY HISTORY (Blurb)
My mother, born as the second child in 1964 to a young couple in a provincial, small town in the Northern Luzon region of the Philippines, is a woman that encapsulates the complex layers of generational trauma and colonial mentality unknowingly imposed upon her by a society that was trying to rebuild themselves after war and militarization. A society that was trying desperately to cling onto any sense of identity they could, falling into the hands of a facist dictator in the process. Right after WWII there was civil unrest in the Philippines, adding another layer of trauma to the new generations.
My grandparents were both very religious and intense with their connection to God. They rarely attended Sunday mass with us when my parents still brought my brother and I along as young children, but they were always present to watch the Filipino church service broadcasted around the world on the Filipino channel we paid our television providers extra for. Even after my grandmother moved back to the Philippines when her dementia worsened, my grandfather remained persistent in his routine. He always watched a church service and prayed, but he never told me to pray or told me that he was praying for me.
My grandfather was born to community leaders and caretakers at the height of Japanese imperialism of the Philippines in the 1930’s. He comes from the Bontoc Igorot tribe, situated in the mountains of the Northern Luzon region of the Philippines. I visited his home when I was eleven, riding a large bus up the winding roads of the Philippine countryside. I witnessed a view that was rarely ever publicized in the promotional images of the country, a view of layers upon layers of rice terraces carved into mountain sides, dense trees and forest, caves, and rivers that didn’t care to be flashy for tourism sake. This countryside showcased who the Filipino people are at our core, tranquil fighters wanting to liberate our land. His community was occupied by the Japanese when he was a child, then by the Americans that came post WWII. These occupations left physical (and mental) remnants, with a collection of churches and buildings left on the indigenous lands.
When the land was colonized by the Spanish, everything was stripped of the indigenous groups living there, especially their religion. Indigenous Filipinos had their own religion, consisting of deities and spirits that protected the land. Our land was at the forefront of everything we practiced. This connection to the earth, while maintained to a certain extent by indigenous communities, was severed with the introduction of Catholicism. My grandfather’s parents took on names like Emiliana and Jose, but thankfully continued going by their indigenous names even continuing the tradition of the head of the family having the honor to give traditional names to new babies born in the family. My grandfather’s mother, called by her indigenous name, Tobyed, gave me the name Gataw.
CONCLUSION
As my research remained all over the place, the topics of religion and colonization pertaining to the Filipino cultures of the homeland and the diaspora have offered a deeper look into the history behind my culture and traditions. While the topic of my research came about due to unfortunate circumstances, I’ve found an answer to why I care for religion in situations where I feel immensely helpless: I seek religion because I feel as though I have no other means of hope. My connection to religion is a result of close family ties and traditions showcased through religious practices. The bond I have with my family members, regardless of whether they are alive or no longer with me, is maintained in our shared traditions and the passing of history to each generation. I am not religious, I don’t think I ever will fully offer myself to the teachings of God, however I maintain belief to a certain extent in order to show respect to ancestors and share hope with my family today.
Work Cited
Abe‐Kim, J., Gong, F. and Takeuchi, D. (2004), Religiosity, spirituality, and help‐seeking among Filipino Americans: Religious clergy or mental health professionals?. J. Community Psychol., 32: 675–689. https://doi.org/10.1002/jcop.20026
Mcmanaman, Doug. “The Importance of Prayer.” Catholic Education Resource Center, July 2010,www.catholiceducation.org/en/culture/catholic-contributions/the-importance-of-prayer.html
“The Revitalization of Indigenous Traditions and the Prospects of Cultural Decolonization in the Philippines.” Nationalism and Cultural Revival in Southeast Asia: Perspectives From The Centre and The Region, by Sri Kuhnt-Saptodewo, Harrassowitz, 1997.
“Roman Catholicism and Filipino Culture.” Relations Between Religions and Cultures in Southeast Asia: Indonesian Philosophical Studies, I, by Donny Gahral Adian and Gadis Arivia, Council for Research in Values and Philosophy, 2009.
Sanchez, Francis, and Albert Gaw. “Mental Health Care of Filipino Americans.” Psychiatric Services, vol. 58, no. 6, 2007, pp. 810–815., doi:10.1176/ps.2007.58.6.810.